It's weighed on my mind a bit that I'm gonna need to make some decisions about what I'm gonna do after the chemo is done. When we started this journey, it was gonna be simple, chemo, double mastectomy, then reconstruct....then I got slapped in the side of the head by it spreading and now we're to the point that surgery isn't a need...or is it?
A mastectomy isn't necessary now, as my doctor explained, once the cancer was out of my breast, it could reoccur anywhere, so the sense of lopping off both breasts is moot. (Here's one of those 'I have no modesty anymore' subjects coming up>>>) I have the one side that the surgeon removed a fist sized cyst from so, needless to say, it's a bit smaller than the other, prolly about a cup size. It has this beautiful smiley face scar (sarcasm) around the bottom of it....kinda looks like a smiling cyclops...LOL...when I first had it done and the staples came out, it was really indented and I hated to look at it or even touch it...it just felt wrong...but as the weeks have gone by, and the healing process has kicked it, it's popped back out pretty well and it's prolly only about a half cup size smaller than the other but it is a bit 'higher' (I have had two kids after all)....
Reconstruction has to be covered by my insurance in this case and I'm needing to make a decision about if I want to do it or not pretty quickly since I don't wanna procrastinate into next year and then decide I want it and hafta to pay another fresh deductible....but everytime I really try to figure out how I feel about it, the confusion begins...the vain side of me thinks, hey, perky new boobies and how many chicks get that covered by insurance...but then the trauma of the pain and agony of the last year kicks in and I wonder if I really want to put my body thru that just for the sake of aesthetics. I look okay in clothes and my husband isn't a breast man (I know that's hard to believe, but it's true)...at times, it seems pretty trivial of me to beat this horrific disease just to be concerned about what my tata's look like in the mirror instead of investing every moment of every day treasuring the fact that I'm on my way back to healthy...when it was a medical necessity to have surgery (mastectomy) it was a no brainer...while they're there, make me some new ones...LOL....but now that it's a choice, I'm torn....
Back in my 'hay day' I had some smokin' girlfriends and quite a few of them had boob jobs in their 20's...I always thought 'why the heck would ya wanna have your body ripped open and foreign objects put into it if you didn't hafta'...I've weighed 95lbs to 150lbs over my lifetime (and can be anything in between at any moment)...my breasts have been everything from nonexistent to enormous depending on my weight...I've really never cared or had a preference...they were what they were...now, I'm faced with this decision and it's a lot more difficult than the others....from the beginning, my choices were clear, do whatever, no matter how radical, to get the cancer out of my body...now we're to this choice and it seems this one isn't so clear....
A mastectomy isn't necessary now, as my doctor explained, once the cancer was out of my breast, it could reoccur anywhere, so the sense of lopping off both breasts is moot. (Here's one of those 'I have no modesty anymore' subjects coming up>>>) I have the one side that the surgeon removed a fist sized cyst from so, needless to say, it's a bit smaller than the other, prolly about a cup size. It has this beautiful smiley face scar (sarcasm) around the bottom of it....kinda looks like a smiling cyclops...LOL...when I first had it done and the staples came out, it was really indented and I hated to look at it or even touch it...it just felt wrong...but as the weeks have gone by, and the healing process has kicked it, it's popped back out pretty well and it's prolly only about a half cup size smaller than the other but it is a bit 'higher' (I have had two kids after all)....
Reconstruction has to be covered by my insurance in this case and I'm needing to make a decision about if I want to do it or not pretty quickly since I don't wanna procrastinate into next year and then decide I want it and hafta to pay another fresh deductible....but everytime I really try to figure out how I feel about it, the confusion begins...the vain side of me thinks, hey, perky new boobies and how many chicks get that covered by insurance...but then the trauma of the pain and agony of the last year kicks in and I wonder if I really want to put my body thru that just for the sake of aesthetics. I look okay in clothes and my husband isn't a breast man (I know that's hard to believe, but it's true)...at times, it seems pretty trivial of me to beat this horrific disease just to be concerned about what my tata's look like in the mirror instead of investing every moment of every day treasuring the fact that I'm on my way back to healthy...when it was a medical necessity to have surgery (mastectomy) it was a no brainer...while they're there, make me some new ones...LOL....but now that it's a choice, I'm torn....
Back in my 'hay day' I had some smokin' girlfriends and quite a few of them had boob jobs in their 20's...I always thought 'why the heck would ya wanna have your body ripped open and foreign objects put into it if you didn't hafta'...I've weighed 95lbs to 150lbs over my lifetime (and can be anything in between at any moment)...my breasts have been everything from nonexistent to enormous depending on my weight...I've really never cared or had a preference...they were what they were...now, I'm faced with this decision and it's a lot more difficult than the others....from the beginning, my choices were clear, do whatever, no matter how radical, to get the cancer out of my body...now we're to this choice and it seems this one isn't so clear....
I cannot imagine having to make these decisions Lee Ann. I would say that if the masectomy is not necessary, why do it? At the same time, although I don't promote vanity, being comfortable and happy with yourself is a necessity in my humble opine. At the end of the day when all the talk is over and the chaos of the day is quieted down, what do you want? Whatever that is- I'd go with that one. Perhaps this is more confusing than helpful...Michelle and I are still indeed praying over you Lee Ann. - Steve Davis
ReplyDeleteI say stick with what God gave you. If in a few years you're not so happy with your "smiley" face I'd have them done...at least all of the smoke will hav cleared and you can make a decision without all of this other stuff on your mind too.
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