As The World Turns...

Tuesday, Sept 14th was the date of my PET scan. It was time to find out where we were really at...every other scan I had was at 9am in the morning and this one was scheduled for 11, so I was kinda afraid that I wouldn't get the results the same day as I had in the past. My terminally late husband went into the office that morning and was, of course, late getting home for me to leave...now that presented more than one problem...first, my biggest pet peeve in life is being late...second, my nerves were already frazzled and waiting for him to be 10 minutes late seemed like an hour & just set my mood on end...and third, and most importantly, there are some labs that won't let you come in late and I wasn't sure if this was one of them so I had to make the 35 minute drive worrying that I wasn't even gonna get this test done today...I got there 15 minutes late and the receptionist called back to the tech & thankfully she told her she'd get me in. I did my thing, knew the drill, and took care of business...I went home anticipating that phone call from my GP telling me what the results were...I waited, I waited, I waited...when 5pm came & went, I knew I was in for the next morning...I was beginning to wonder how they were going to treat the ulcers they were giving to me, lol...

Hit by a truck...

It's strange to me that my oncologist gave me 7 rounds of chemo meds he called 'the strongest stuff' we could put into my body &, I'm not saying it was easy, but it wasn't a fourth as bad as these 'maintenance' meds. The nurse warned me before the first one that the side effects of these were pain but the first 2 rounds of them I took were, to say the least, a piece of cake compared to this last one. I'm assuming that the meds have just built up in my system so it's wreaking some serious havoc on any bad stuff left in my body. My fingers & toes tingle & are numb. My feet feel like I just jumped off the roof onto a concrete floor with no shoes. My stomach has been turning for 2 days. My joints all ache like they're on fire. It's crazy! I also have this wonderful eye condition that I get normally called ocular migraines. My vision goes into this tunnel state where I can only see directly in front of me. It only lasts about 15 minutes if I can lay down & shut my eyes, but the headache I get later is brutal. It's not an actual migraine, thank Goodness, but it sucks nonetheless. Well, I guess these meds trigger those too cuz usually I only get them maybe once every other month or so but I've had like 4 of them in the last couple days. I'm trying to look on the bright side of all this cuz first and foremost, I'm hoping this is the last chemo I have to take, but also becuz my experience with chemo has been so easy compared to the majority of people who take it. It's hard to look on that bright side when every fiber of my body is aching, but I'm trying....

Bittersweet

As anyone who has already walked this path can tell you, everytime you come to the time for your next PET scan, it is very emotional. Today I took my 10th round of chemo & scheduled for my PET in 2 weeks. The oncologist says that if this one comes back clean then we can start using the word remission and the 10th would be my last chemo. However, he also said if there is anything on it, depending on what, we'll still give my body a break, drop back and make the next plan. That last part is, of course what rings in my head. There's no reason to think that this one will not be as good as the first. After all I took it after only 3 sessions of chemo and ALL the cells had retreated to undetectable. I've only had more poison swimming around in my body, so the chances are that this scan should be good too. It's hard though not to let those demons come sneaking back into my head. I talked about them in my posts when I first was diagnosed stage IV. They're the ones that want you to doubt your body, your doctors, your treatments, and yourself. They weaken you and your spirit & body. They give the mighty cancer a chance to sneak in and take over. It's hard to fight them. They tell me that if there is anything on this scan after all the chemo I've been thru that my chances to survive this aren't good. They tell me to be scared. They tell me to hide under the covers from the world where my allies that have been helping me to stay strong live. They want me weak. They want me to give up. They want me.
This is where my faith comes in. Those pink bracelets that say 'Feed faith, starve fear' are my inspiration. That is why they are so dear to me. They remind me that nothing can take me out of this world if I don't let it. They remind me that I am stronger than the cancer. They remind me that I have an incredible husband & 3 fantabulous kids that not only want me here, but NEED me here. They remind me that God is stronger than those demons. They remind me to fight, to stay strong, to overcome, and to pray---not only to pray but to listen, listen to what God tells me cuz He is invincible!
I will try to put the worries out of my mind in the next couple of weeks and let the meds do their thing, but I know come a couple of days before that PET, my anxiety will rise. It's a normal reaction & I just can't let it take over!

Beyond words...

It is exactly that, beyond words, the success we had last weekend for the Rockin' for Breast Cancer Benefit. There had to be 500 people out at the ranch. We had two great bands play. The guys are all great friends of mine & they put together a rendition of Nickelback's Rock Star for me at the end of the night which just brought tears to my eyes. The fact that they took the time to learn a song that I just love just for me was so touching. We had a raffle with about a million things donated to give away & an auction with some really incredible stuff like vacation get aways. I haven't gotten the final tally on the money raised but it was climbing over $12,000 this week so I'm excited to get that number. It's incredible the generosity and kindness of the evening and I'm overwhelmed by all the wonderful people I got to meet. I've been completely exhausted this week & trying to catch up on some rest & recuperate but it was well worth it for the amount of money we raised for Susan G Komen!

One step backwards but two steps up!

Wow, soooo much going on this week...
the one step backwards is the achiness I've had for the past 3 days from my chemo last Tuesday. It literally feels like I jumped off a roof onto concrete in my bare feet...they are soooo achy...I have a little numbness in my fingers too. I was told these were the side effects, so I'll just put up with it...
BUT...2 steps forward...some friends had a car wash for us last Saturday. It is such a lifesaver right now with 2 kids going back to school, especially since one is in middle school & the other starts high school & they both need alot of stuff to start. The car wash dollars will allow us to pay down some major medical bills without sacrificing the things I need to get the kids. It was amazing...The other forward is the Susan G Komen Benefit this Saturday. The response has been incredible and it looks like we're gonna have over 500 people there. I'm a workaholic and it's been so frustrating to me over the past year to not have the energy to take on projects and I thank God that He's allowed me to be well to really dig in & help with this event! It's been incredible to my spirit!

Pink is the new black!

I'm sooooo excited to get my new bracelets today! They are gorgeous & have the best reminder EVER on them!!

...Cuz 2 outa 3 ain't bad!

Yes, another music reference for a title...lol...today I had my 2nd outa 3 maintenance chemos...stupid me forgot to take my handful of steroids last night before it but my immunity counts are so good that Doc said he didn't think it would matter...and if my extra 4 pounds of weight gain is any indication, I don't think my appetite is suffering much. I wanna shed a few pounds but, OMG, my chemo team would take me out back & shoot me if I did so I hafta wait (& getting shot would be pretty counterproductive to my chemo). This is the first session I went to alone. We didn't have a babysitter so my hubby needed to stay with the baby & considering he's been putting in 12-15 hour days at work, there have been days in a row he hasn't even seen the baby's face. I convinced him I could handle it and he finally relented. I had a glorious 4 hour nap! I plan on starting to take my Motrin tomorrow regularly to see if I can stay ahead of the aches moreso than last time, even tho it was pretty tolerable...why hurt if you don't hafta?! That's my motto!! LOL! We'll see how that works out for me!

No more happy feet...

Okay, first the good news...just went yesterday to check my white cell levels after taking the first of 3 maintenance chemos & they were great...YAY!
Now, the icky news...I've been having pains in my toenails, but the new med I'm on is even more diabolical on nail beds. The sheets even hurt to lay on them. It feels like someone slammed a hammer down on my toes! I'm kinda bummed that they are starting to curl and change shapes & I'm actually scared I'm gonna lose a few of them. I have a bad head, lopsided boobies, a scar from my c-section and I'm white as a sheet cuz I can't be out in the sun...all I had left were cute feet...no more! I gotta say,it takes a strong woman to feel pretty while undergoing chemo & I'm not THAT strong...I feel like an alien! LOL!

Paying a little forward...

Ya know, there are very few times in the world you see selfless actions..really...completely selfless...now I don't mean when your friends come thru for you cuz if anyone is going to, you would suspect it would be the people who care deeply for you...I've written about many people who have been there for us and how much it's touched my heart and how much, I feel, it aids in my recovery by knowing there's so much love in my life...this is a story about another kind of person...someone who does something for you, benefiting absolutely nothing for themselves other than feeling good about doing it, and doesn't even know you from Adam (whoever Adam is, lol)...there is a girl named Rachel who has volunteered to wash cars at the car wash a local sports radio show is doing for me (Barley & Hops Show, yay!!)...I've never met her...heck, I can't even find her on Facebook to 'friend' her to tell her thanks, but she's volunteered to stand in the 100 degree Florida heat in August in a bikini (and dang, can she wear one from the pics I've seen) and wash cars to raise money for my family she's never met. I'm overwhelmed at stories like this...it motivates me even more to work harder in making waves for causes I believe in for people I don't know.
Now here's where I get to pay it forward...I was made aware by a FB posting that she's in a modeling contest to be in a hair commercial. Now, I know you're thinkin' 'here's what she's getting out of this' but that couldn't be further from the truth cuz I picked it up from a friend's post (like I said, I can't find her on FB so this didn't come from her personally) & she has no idea that I've decided to take up this cause for her....there are 500 contestants and they are rewarding a commercial to the top 5 girls...I thought what a wonderful thank you I could give her if I could get her up there with her votes...honestly, I don't care if she knows that I'm doing this cuz I think the more important aspect of her winning is the fact that so many actors & models have such a skewed vision of the world and charity & only do things to 'get their name out there' and there is nothing in it for her to wash cars in a local bar parking lot for a few hours but a sunburn and heat exhaustion...I think this world might be a better place if people who aspire to be in the position of the 'beautiful world' of the global entertainment industry had values like this girl. She is a real role model for our little girls...so I ask of you this...click on the link below on it takes you right to her page with a red 'vote' button to click on...there is no cost, no signing up, no future spam, just two clicks in 5 seconds and you can help me thank her for doing such a generous and wonderful thing for me, click it once a day thruout the month of August....who knows, you might need someone like her to do something like this for you one day...I never thought I would!!
THANKS SOOOOOO MUCH!!!

Click here to help me for Rachel!! 

And the beat goes on...

Well, I've made it through the icky window...by Monday after my treatments, the worst is usually behind me. The next meds do cause aches like you worked out the hardest you ever have in your life and your muscles ache coupled with an arthritis feeling in your joints. Tylenol 3 has been my best friend and I'm acetaminophen free today! The best side effect that is gone from these treatments are those harsh mouth pains...I only had a dullness of my taste buds this time and THAT I can live with. The oncologist says 2 more of these and we'll do another PET. I guess it's normal but everytime we start talking about PET scans, my nerves go to overdrive...it's like you want to know what's going on in your body but while you're between scans you can pretend everything is just fine.