Hair, hair, and more hair....

...and even EYELASHES!!!

My angels...

Every step of the way this year I've had angels surround me...the biggest one has always been my husband. Here we go again, no exception.......he told me to schedule the surgery....we'd figure it out......this man who has our entire family on his shoulders and has fought every step of the way with me in this battle is once again stepping up and carrying more than anyone should be expected to.....all for me.........all to allow me to have the best life possible.......he is my rock, he is my constant, he is my hero....surgery scheduled...the Thursday before Thanksgiving!

Just when I thought it didn't matter...

So we were nearing the time of my plastic surgery consult & the bottom fell out again financially. It ain't like we're gonna live on the street or anything but some things changed at hubby's work so things tightened and I wasn't prepared for Christmas yet before it did. I decided that I was gonna cancel my consult cuz we really couldn't afford the time that he'd hafta take off to be with me for even a few days....well, chemo brain kicked in and suddenly the day was upon me that I got the 'reminder' call from the surgeon's office. To cancel 24 hours before would cost me only 10 less dollars than taking the dang appointment and hubs wanted me to anyway to see what all this would entail. We went. WOW! I was just thinking a little nip and tuck and some bags stuck in me and viola!! Uhhhhh, no........(graphic part comin' again, you've been warned).....he would remove both my nipples (& I guess stick em in a pan for later, lol), make incisions under both breasts in the creases. Now the healthy (or should I say 'non mangled' since now they're both healthy, just one looks a bit battled) breast will get another incision from the crease to where the nipple was and folded under one another to lift and then a saline implant will be stuck in there. The mangled one will get the same treatment except he will also add some 'process skin' to plump up the part underneath that was removed with the cyst at the beginning of the year. He wants to go saline instead of gel cuz it really won't be an exact science with this surgery as to what size they'd end up being considering the reconstruction of my left size. It'd be what it'd be to get them symmetrical in the end. At the end of it, he'd reattached my nipples in the correct place to my new shape. Okay, I could handle all that.......the recovery time.....5-6 weeks without lifting my baby!!!!! I can't go 5-6 weeks without lifting him, it just wasn't possible....no go.....when hubs & I left the office I found a feeling in myself I'd never expected.........sadness........it took me a bit to grasp why.....I really didn't care about what I looked like right now in clothes cuz with the right bras, you couldn't tell I was lopsided.....my husband didn't care about what it looked like..........it dawned on me that I did....not becuz of the aesthetics of it (I'm gonna have quite a bit of permanent scarring after the surgery) but becuz of the reminder of it....I was healthy now and I knew that....but when I looked at my breasts in the mirror, they reminded me I WAS sick....I found myself wanting them to be all round and even again...the scars would remind me of my journey, but the reconstruction would remind me of my VICTORY....