I've scheduled my pre-op appointment for my surgery where they do all the measurements & pictures & stuff. It's actually this upcoming Thursday. Everyday as I go about my daily routine around the house & with the baby, I'm getting more and more terrified. I'm not scared of surgery. I know some people have fear of anesthesia and getting put under, but I've never had that fear...I see it as a really good nap, that when I wake from, something good has happened. I don't have a fear of botched surgery. I trust my surgeon & have seen plenty of his work. He's good at what he does and to be perfectly honest, my breasts couldn't really look worse so almost anything would be an improvement. I don't have any unreasonable expectations of perfection so....
What does terrify me is how me & my family are gonna handle the next month and a half while I heal. My husband HAS to go to work. My Mother is gone. I'm an only child (way not to reproduce me some help, Mom & Dad, lol), so no siblings I can guilt trip. I have plenty of wonderful friends but they seem to have pesky jobs that they have to go to. My husband's theory of 'we'll figure it out' seemed all empowering last week but as the time approaches and I really take into consideration all the little things I won't be able to do for a while, it's getting quite overwhelming. The baby is 20lbs and I won't even be able to lift him by his feet to change his diaper. It scares me that he's not going to take well to the fact that I won't be able to lay on the floor with him for a bit and let him use me for his personal jungle gym like he's accustomed to being at home with me all day everyday. My 2 older kids are gonna hafta sacrifice their social lives entirely for their Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks (hopefully it won't be much by Christmas if all heals well) to help me take care of things. Here goes that tremendous guilt thing again...
I keep trying to remind myself that none of this is my fault & I didn't pick this situation, but it was so much easier to believe when it was chemo and mastectomies...this feels vain and like I'm being completely selfish to put everyone thru this just to 'look' better....***sigh***
What does terrify me is how me & my family are gonna handle the next month and a half while I heal. My husband HAS to go to work. My Mother is gone. I'm an only child (way not to reproduce me some help, Mom & Dad, lol), so no siblings I can guilt trip. I have plenty of wonderful friends but they seem to have pesky jobs that they have to go to. My husband's theory of 'we'll figure it out' seemed all empowering last week but as the time approaches and I really take into consideration all the little things I won't be able to do for a while, it's getting quite overwhelming. The baby is 20lbs and I won't even be able to lift him by his feet to change his diaper. It scares me that he's not going to take well to the fact that I won't be able to lay on the floor with him for a bit and let him use me for his personal jungle gym like he's accustomed to being at home with me all day everyday. My 2 older kids are gonna hafta sacrifice their social lives entirely for their Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks (hopefully it won't be much by Christmas if all heals well) to help me take care of things. Here goes that tremendous guilt thing again...
I keep trying to remind myself that none of this is my fault & I didn't pick this situation, but it was so much easier to believe when it was chemo and mastectomies...this feels vain and like I'm being completely selfish to put everyone thru this just to 'look' better....***sigh***
