It has been a while since I posted...as anyone who has battled cancer for any length of time knows...sometimes you just need a break! It gets too much, time and time again of being told bad news...the first few radiation treatments seemed harmless and, for the most part, the actual radiation was...but those steroids...I started bulking up. I couldn't help but eat all the times and at the end of about a month, I had gained up to 155lbs. I'm 5'1" and was still heavy from inactivity after my pregnancy. I began radiation at about 135lbs when I usually teetered at around 125. I felt huge and bulky and at the end of my rope. I got huge pregnant, but I knew that weight would come off...I didn't know if this would...and to top it off, my stomach churned all the time. I couldn't help but eat and then I felt like crap on all levels. I began to get depressed and life sucked. I couldn't go out to feel better cuz I didn't fit in my clothes, and any chick will tell ya that that will sink your world when you can't ever feel the least bit cute. I was difficult on my husband and moody towards my children and the very last thing I wanted to hear about in any sense was cancer. You never realize how many shows have references to cancer on tv, or how many commercials are about it, or how many specials come on raising money for it, or how how many billboards are out there about it...it's everywhere when it is the last thing in the world you want to be reminded of. I went into hibernation throughout the rest of my radiation and hid from the world as much as possible...
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