It's been a while...

I've been gone off my blog a while & it's not becuz there wasn't anything going on....I went back & read my last input & well, it's been a rollercoaster since almost that post.

Right after that post, my husband asked me for a divorce. He blames it on the gambling I did when I was in my depression but it's so much more than that. First of all, he's a gambler, so it's not like he thinks it's a token sin. I did do it quite a bit but NEVER put my family's finances in jeopardy. Secondly, part of my depression was from the fact I was always home alone with the kids. He was working 60+ hours a week & just almost refused to come home early or take time off. It got so that our kids only saw him on Sundays & that was spent with him taking only one of them to the bowling alley for most of the afternoon. It was lonely & I felt very deserted. If I dare mentioned anything negative about my attitude with cancer, he wanted no part of discussing it...it was over...he was gone emotionally...I resented it TREMENDOUSLY!! I spent July finding a home for me & my 2 kids. I fortunately have some wonderful family whose privacy I will protect by only saying, they are my angels. The love and support of my closest friends got me thru July & August & we got moved into our new home and, for the first time, when I had an opportunity to breath, I realized how much my homelife before was strangling me. The marriage had crumbled & with it was part of strength. I was slowly finding it again in the hope for a future with my babies...nothing to hold me back or to stifle me. Sure, the prospect of growing old alone was kinda a downer but growing OLD was actually the target now & THAT felt pretty dang good to want again!