It is true what they say, things always look worse at night...I tried to sleep that night and I was exhausted but unfortunately my body and mind were very detached. I'd close my eyes and the room would fill will visions of death. When I would doze off I'd awake literally gasping for breath and my husband would have to bear hug me until I could regain air. It was like waking up from a terrible nightmare right before the bad guy was gonna stab you with a giant butcher knife but realizing when you're fully awake that it wasn't a nightmare, it was reality and it was right there in your face. I had three kids who needed their mom...I had a new marriage of two years and had finally found my soulmate...I had a new baby, a precious new little life that I hadn't even begun to be Mommy to yet...I had a Dad who had already lost his wife of 40 years to this hateful disease and was his only child...I needed to be here...I couldn't leave this world yet...did I even have a choice...was it all out of my hands...so many wild thoughts raced thru my mind all night no matter how hard I tried to fight them back and be rational. It was probably the longest night of my life, hands down...
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